1 Step Forward and 2 Steps Back

Hello, this e mail may lack some of the suave wit and charm of my previous correspondences 'cos I'm tired, hung over and pissed off. No change there then I hear you cry! The reasons for my current state are numerous. Mainly that it's 6 o'clock in the morning and I've just missed a fucking plane, more of that in a second.

You know that song that says: 'money don't make the world go round?' It's bollocks. Having had a top time doing touristy stuff up the east coast from Brisbane to Cairns and getting up to all kinds of shenanigans in between, I'm now heading back to Brisbane to get yet another job 'cos I've spent all my friggin' money again. Can someone please tell me how I managed to spend $700 on food and drink in just 2 weeks? Answers on a post card please 'cos I've got no fucking idea how I managed to do it.

I'm actually meant to be on a plane from Cairns to Brisbane at this exact second but because me and George are drunken lazy fools we woke up 18 minutes before the flight was due to leave. We still made it with 2 minutes to spare, a rather impressive feat I may add, although apparently we were meant to be there at least 30 minutes before the flight left. Nuts. Damn the Woolshed and it's wet t-shirt contest. Only another 9 hours to wait until the next plane leaves!

Since I last spoke to you I've done some really good stuff and, well, some really shit stuff too. We'll start with the shit stuff and work our way up to the good stuff. After the amazing time i had on Fraser island we headed up to Bundaberg to do a bit of work to top up the money pot. This plan was foiled however when i earned $40 for 12 hours work picking zuccinies. I don't even know what a bloody zucchini is, or how to spell it for that matter! Up at 5 in the morning bent double (sounds a bit risque doesn't it) with a little kitchen knife chopping these little green veggies/fruits (no idea which it was) was hell on earth. By the end of my second day everytime i closed my eyes all I could see was these bastard things, weird to say the least. So, reverting back to my old form of quitting jobs less than a week in, I claimed a back injury and quit. Whilst in Bundy I decided to look into my family history there and the claims that my great grandfather was one of the towns founding fathers. Unfortunately that appeared to ever so slightly, well, completely, untrue. He was, however, born there so that means I'm an 8th inbred hick. Also in Bundy i went to the rum factory, although we somehow managed to go on one of the only days that the factory was not operational as all the workers were on their Easter holidays and the vats of sugar were being cleaned - 2 free samples of rum helped ease the pain though. In summary Bundaberg is shit.

After Bundy we went up to Airlie Beach for the Whitsundays. Airlie is a pretty cool place and it has a drive through bottle shop. Did I hear someone mention the words 'drink driving' - surely not, we all know Aussies are responsible drinkers after all. The Whitsundays were absolutely awesome, definitely on a par with Fraser and i hate to break the news to fans of the Crocodile Hunter, better than Australia Zoo. Whitehaven Beach is absolutely beautiful but the highlight has got to be scuba diving on the barrier reef, even if I did have to go up for air at one point 'cos I swallowed a load of water. Oops! We had a good group on the boat: 7 of us from Fraser, 5 other english people, 2 Irish, 3 Spaniards that the boat's skipper (who bared a striking resemblance to Toadie from Neighbours) dubbed Team Espana, 1 Italian and 3 Swedes. Goon was drunk and spilt in equal proportions but a good time was had by all.

After Airlie we technically went to Townsville. I say technically cos we got off the coach went to the hostel and got back on the coach again the next day. I'm such a shit tourist.

It was pretty much the same story in Cairns although we did get to see a bit more of the City. Not through any pre-planned route taking in all of the city's major attractions but rather getting lost whilst looking for a McDonald. We ended up in a KFC which, I've eventually come to the conclusion, is shit. Why the fuck do their chips taste of curry out here?!

That's pretty much it for this update. I'm now finishing writing this back in the Palace backpackers in Brisbane - my 59th night here perhaps I need to find a flat! One thing of note did happen on the flight down here - I saw an Aboriginal with 4 toes, not that them being Aboriginal had anything to do with it but it was odd all the same.

Anyway that's it, thanks for putting up with the excessive use of expletives in this particular message but I was really pissed off when I started writing it,
Au Revior,
Rich